Transitus Tiber

Happy 2009!

I finished Elise's skirt last night. Not bad, for the first time making baby clothes, eh?

I finally had my first real onset of guilt. Not "Catholic Guilt", which way too many people predicted I would experience when I first told them about my conversion, but Mommy Guilt. You know the kind – the guilt that comes when someone gives you some sort of stupid advice but then you start wondering. Or the “studies” that show that doing X,Y, or Z will make your child grow up into some homicidal maniac.

My Mommy Guilt came from me needing to eat. Sad, isn't it? Elise has been a fussybutt lately; and rejecting any and all forms of sleep. We were up at the same time, this morning and thus I didn't have breakfast. Noon rolls around and I'm about dropping over from hunger, and Elise is overtired and very upset. I put her down in her crib, let her look into her mirror and gave her her bee rattle. Then, I proceeded to make something – anything – just something so I wouldn't fall over.

Elise did not like this and proceeded to cry and cry and cry. Punctuated by moments of playing with her bee. Then crying some more. I heated up some leftover rice (yeah, I know) and had that; and sat in full view of Elise. She eventually stopped crying and watched me eat my rice.

At the same time, Greg called and I immediately fell to pieces about how letting Elise cry for like, 5 minutes while I got something to eat would doom her to be some sort of murderer who would hate me until the day I die. Greg was quick to tell me how silly that is, and that she'll be fine. I finished my rice, and gave Elise some extra cuddles and nursed her to oblivion. Currently she's asleep in her crib.

And as stupid as it is, to feel guilty for eating while E-bears cried; I sure feel it. I feel guilty for putting her in her crib to nap instead of holding her, I feel guilty for even writing this post about how I shouldn't feel guilty for – wait for it – eating.

I'm trying to remember the flight attendant thought: please put your oxygen mask on before you put on your child's. If I'm falling over hungry, than I'm not going to be the Mommy Elise needs and deserves. And while I hate, hate, hate the “cry it out” mentality, her crying for five minutes so I can heat up food is NOT going to doom her for the rest of her life. It's not like she cried for extended periods of time, anyways. But, as you can see by my attempts to justify, I'm feeling like the Worst Mother of the Year, Ever.

So there's my first bout of Mommy Guilt. I suppose that it should lighten up in a day, or when Elise wakes up from her nap and gives me her infamous gummy grin when she sees me looking over her. Or when she coos, blows raspberries at me, or giggles when I give her a zerbert on her tummy. She'll be fine, but my guilt may linger on.

In the spirit of trying to put on my oxygen mask before hers, I'm going to get something more substantial now to eat in addition to my rice. Hence why she's in her crib. I'm sure there will come some day when I'll look back at this, and most likely tell her how I bad I felt to put her down and eat something. We'll both laugh – maybe she'll roll her eyes at me and think that I sure was nuts when she was a baby – but in the end, she'll be fine.

And I will be, too.

It occurred to me that I should post pictures of Elise's finished blanket - the one I wrote about here. It's made of fleece that I purchased at JoAnn's Black Friday sale originally for a hat for Elise, and flannel that a friend gave me. It's two-sided, with some satin blanket binding around the edge.


The fleece side.


The flannel side.
The only thing that I want to do differently is having two patterns that are in the same ... orientation? Is that the word I'm looking for? You can see the monkey pattern tends to be more horizontal, and the jungle pattern is obviously vertical. It'd be nice if both were horizontal or vertical, you know? But since I just winged it, I think it turned out pretty good. And it used up all the extra of the monkey fleece, so that makes me happy.

I also made a second tag blanket - for my niece, but still need to take pictures (currently, it's drying).

Finally, I am going to make Elise a skirt out of some good denim I found. In theory it'd be a smaller version of the a-lines I make for myself, and lined with more of the jungle flannel from her blanket for extra warmth. We're traveling up to my hometown this Saturday for my Dad's 60th birthday (!), so it'd be awesome to get it finished. I need to get a denim needle to sew it all together. We'll see how it comes together.

If I was totally awesome, I'd make a vest to go with Elise's skirt. But, since I've never done anything for the upper body; I'm not sure how to get it going. Luckily she's teeny-tiny, so I think I could try and make one without feeling too bad if it didn't work out.

Well, we had a very blessed Christmas and I hope you all did, as well.

We ended up just attending Christmas Day Mass, which was extra special because the Bishop celebrated it. He always has such wonderful (and intellectual) homilies. We are very blessed to have him as our Bishop. Elise had a lot of fun afterwards - playing with the wrapping paper more than her gifts! Greg commented that Christmas is way better with a little child than without. I tend to agree. I also received a special gift from Jesus this year, which I'm really grateful for. Maybe I'll write more on that, and maybe I won't.

Elise received some lovely gifts from her aunt and uncle, and grandparents. Greg, myself, and my parents all went in on a Bumbo chair. Her uncle got her some awesome clothes that are fleece and cute and very snuggly. Greg's Dad gave Elise a ball popping thingy (almost like a top, you push a button and balls spin around and pop). Greg's Mom got her a cute snuggly bunny rattle with a blanket attached and some clothes. Her Godmother (and aunt) gave her some teething toys that link together and are monkey-shaped. Saint Nicholas got behind schedule but came to give Elise a crib mirror that doubles as a tummy time mirror. Mama and Daddy gave her some teething monkeys on a ring (a lot like what her aunt gave her!) and a Mrs. Potato Head, for when she's a little older. And a rattle. And the monkey blanket I made.

I'm sure I'm missing something, but that's the general idea. Elise got entirely spoiled, which is how it should be.

The next "big thing" (apart from New Year's) is my Dad's 60th birthday, which is coming in January. Not sure what we're going to get him, but I have some ideas.

I suppose I should finish up the laundry, as we have to go get Greg from work in under an hour (poor guy!).

Just a quick post wishing everyone a Merry (and safe) Christmas! :D I'll try and get caught up on comments and posts on Friday.

FOR TODAY Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008...

Outside my window...
It's still a winter wonderland. Although the sun is starting to come out, which makes everything blindingly bright. It reminds me of when I was sledding as a kid and we'd come back indoors, and everything white would be pink for a little bit.

I am thinking...
about Christmas. It's Elise's first Christmas outside of me, and she is fascinated by the Christmas tree. She likes to touch it and is enthralled with the lights. I can't help but think that Christmas next year, she'll be able to knock it down. :X

I am thankful for...
Elise's Baptism! And that everyone who wanted to come to Elise's Baptism was able to, and that the weather wasn't that bad. It was chilly, but not blizzarding or anything like that. We still had to wear about eleven layers of clothes, though.

From the kitchen...
Greg and I made my mom's German ginger/molasses cookies. SO, so good. We still need to make the frosting, but even unfrosted they taste just like hers! I am feeling pretty accomplished with us, to say the least. Once we get them frosted, they will be that much better.

I am wearing...
Denim skirt, red shirt.

I am creating...
Nothing. I finished up the blanket I was making for Elise (the one with the monkeys), so it's already under the tree for her. I'm not too thrilled with how it turned out, mainly trying to deal with the blanket binding. But, it's not that bad.

I am going...
to try and find a way to re-weigh Elise. Yesterday was her four month well-baby check, and I'm entirely convinced that the nurse screwed up Elise's length and weight by 1.5 inches and 2 pounds! Gah!

I am reading...
Nothing. I want to get some spiritual reading started, either continue on with The World's First Love by Fulton Sheen or something else.

I am hoping...
That Elise really does weigh two pounds more than what the nurse weighed her at! :X

I am hearing...
The dryer drying stuff. Mainly some of our bed covers that migrated off the bed and on to the floor.

Around the house...
Greg's parents have reorganized the living room to make room for the Christmas tree and Nativity. Our apartment has a little Nativity, but since we'll be doing the majority of the celebrating upstairs, it's all good. Hopefully by this time next year we'll be in our own house.

One of my favorite things...
Coffee. I probably mentioned this before, but I'm really enjoying decaf coffee right now. Or any hot liquid, for that matter. But mainly coffee.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Greg, Elise, and I are going to the family Christmas Vigil Mass on Christmas Eve. We're also going to go with the rest of his family to Mass on Christmas Day. I'm really excited because last year we went to Midnight Mass, which was incredible. However, I don't think Elise would appreciate a Midnight Mass as much as we would. So, I get to experience a non-Midnight Christmas Mass at the Cathedral.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

Elise being anointed at her Baptism. Hurrah!
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Check out more Daybooks at Peggy's blog!

Elise's Baptism is tomorrow (the 21st). We're beyond thrilled, even if the Other Side is doing anything and everything to throw up roadblocks. We're not going to let that bring us down or stop us, for that matter.

Prayers would be appreciated. I will post some pictures as soon as I get them!

I want to finish up Elise's blanket before Christmas. This is how it looks thus far:

All that's left is to sew the binding on the other three sides (I have one done so far), then wash it. The binding is by far the hardest part since it likes to slip around and the blanket likes to bunch up in it. Not to mention my sewing machine is having fits. But, it'll get finished, hopefully soon.

It's been a sleepy couple of days around here. Elise is busy learning two new things - rolling and grabbing at things - so she's up most of the night. She's been hanging out in our bed the last couple of nights, which isn't really an ideal solution for us. But, Monday she rolled over on her own, and today she's been reaching for everything (and I do mean everything), even if it's not within her reach. So, I'm praying the Worst Is Over.

It's hard to believe that she will be four months old on Monday. As such, she has a doctor's appointment on Monday as well as her next round of immunizations. Prayers would be much appreciated. She was a trooper for her first set, so I'm not anticipating anything Overly Bad. Just like the first time, I think it's going to be harder on me than her. Greg's Mom is coming to this appointment as Greg has no vacation or sick time yet (he has to clear his 90 day probation period). I could go alone, but it's always nice to have someone come with you. Not to mention an extra pair of hands has never been a bad thing!

It's hard to believe Christmas is next week. I'm learning to let go more - we wanted to mail out Christmas cards but I think that's not going to happen this year, and just enjoy the season. As well as keep the whole point of the season first and foremost in my mind. We do need to get some Christmas presents (not a lot, thank God) but I think that's all we're going to be able to do this year. Which, is fine by me. I'm sure there are some people who will take it personally, but I'm finding myself less concerned with that.

Anyways. I should finish up getting dinner ready so we can eat when Greg gets home. We're taking advantage of the "tropical" 9*F weather to go to the store.